Dominate the Listening

When I was in 5th grade, we went on a field trip to hear a symphony orchestra. Before we went, the music teacher taught us when to applaud. "Sometimes it may sound like a piece is over," she advised, "but don't start clapping until the conductor puts [his] arms down at [his] side."

Even if the song sounds good, you never want to interrupt it. You want to make sure it's finished before you have your say.

This is a great metaphor for the importance of listening in sales, management, consulting, and every other aspect of business that requires human interaction.

At the symphony, you can't assume the orchestra is finished "talking," and it's the same with other people. Just because a person stopped speaking for a few seconds doesn't mean it's your turn to start in. Are they really finished? Did you understand everything they said? If you're not sure, there's room to be a better listener.

Everyone wants to be heard. Dominating the listening puts you at an advantage, because you're one of few people doing it, and others value this precious commodity.

Example:

1. Sales Rep 1: Good morning, Jackie, how's it going?
Customer: It's really been crazy over here, actually.
Sales Rep 1: Really? Listen, what do I have to do for you to change your water cooler service plan?
Customer: Actually, could you call back next week? Thanks.

2. Sales Rep 2: Good morning, Jackie, how's it going?
Customer: It's really been crazy over here, actually.
Sales Rep 2: Really, so it's been kind of crazy over there, huh?
Customer: Oh my God, yes! If this auditor asks me for one more thing.....

People don't always open up immediately like that, but if you give them the chance, many will. In business and personal affairs, people will always like you more when you dominate the listening versus the talking.

Learning to Listen

My high school guidance counselor was fond of telling students that we had one mouth and two ears so we could listen twice as much as we talk. My similar view is that we have two ears and one mouth because listening is at least twice as hard as talking.

Listening skills are crucial to every part of the work world; especially hiring. If you ever hired an employee who was a bad fit for your organization (it happens to everyone), chances are, you missed one or more red flags because you weren't listening during the hiring process. Maybe you were distracted because the applicant went to the right college or wore the right shoes to the interview. While those can both be big pluses, they don't mean the person will be able to handle criticism, stay awake for 8 hours a day, or even show up.

The best way to be able to listen while conducting an interview is to prepare your questions in advance. That way, you can pay attention when the candidate is talking instead of scanning the resume hoping to come up with the next intelligent question. Also, ask the person to elaborate and provide examples to back up statements.

In addition to listening to what a person says, consciously note how he or she says it. In a 30 minute interview, did you laugh with or feel any affinity for the person at all? Did they interrupt you more than once without apologizing? Are they even answering the question you asked?

Reference calls are often a formality, but did the former employer give less than a glowing review? A person could fail all of those tests and still be perfect for your company--just know what you're getting. Some people ignore blaring issues because they just need someone in the position, and they usually regret it later. Long term, it's almost always more costly to hire and fire the wrong person than to keep a position open.